Love me too …. Paparazzi!

Waking up for my daily routine is something I do almost automatically. I can’t remember much between getting up and having my daily porridge and fruit, which wakes me up slightly just enough for me to drive to work, or until I can have a nice latte with 3 sweeteners. As part of my routine, and while I am having my breakfast somehow I learned a new routine to watch BBC news, which was passed on to me by a friend who recently showed me that my TV also contains more than 5 channels (or just shows that I don’t have much time to spend in such luxury). So,  I tune to this BBC News just for a few minutes to get updated on the recent events, just in case I get a clever client who probes me with such nonsense. I am now aware of the news loop that goes on and on in that channel, which amazingly I just realised the other day (a Saturday morning) as I sat in front of the TV with my laptop on, trying to do some work and listening to the news. My attention was drawn to the channel by my housemate – “these are all the same news over and over again”.

Then today, as per routine above, I was upset that Mrs Cambridge (nee Catherine Middleton; the wife of Prince William of Wales), had been photographed by some unscrupulous paparazzi just as nature had made her into this world, or with her boobs out. I wonder why they do such things, especially when they were in a private resort or villa or whatever, and were in the comfort of their privacy. I mean don’t get me wrong, I do respect a paparazzi’s work, in particular it always amazes me how they manage to get such photographs that most of us would not even think it would be possible. I like photography and always I think to myself – “how the hell they get the opportunity to take these photos”. Do they have the best cameras in the world? Are they really that skilled? Or do they just hand around outside someone’s property, hovering like hungry dogs, waiting for their prey to fall from grace? I just think there should be work ethics, even whores have them! These ‘photographers’ perhaps need to remind themselves of what happened to Lady Diana all those years ago, and how they may have contributed to her death by hounding her car all the way through Paris. Please, give people a break, I don’t think you are that desperate to eat, otherwise you would be working for the national geographic taking photos of nature in their best, i.e. monkeys shagging or lions reigning!

I would also like to have some paparazzi attention for myself, so I compiled the following open letter to all paparazzi out there who may be reading this blog.

“Dear Paparazzi,

Every day I am with the crowd,
I come out with my camera in-hand.
I photograph people and nature,
Bringing out the beauty in every creature.

I often think how amazing it would be
To have your talents by me.
Many times I don’t have a clue,
To catch people in buff or just blue.

My flash often fails,
Then I’m lost on my trails.
The zoom often shies,
my photos end up like a misty disguised.

At times, I feel jealous
that you ignore my humble plea,
to notice me too
and take photos of me.

I too have a body
that can be undressed,
Just give me a chance
And I’ll help you de-stress.

I go after you,
and cry for your name,
you ignore me all day
blinding me away.

I feel so rejected
I sob on some cakes,
just to make myself visible
for your honourable break.

Your name is so magical
like an old fairy tale,
you are always so kind,
glamorous and never fail.

I put the best clothes,
eyeliner and tans;
Just notice my glamour
As you do to your other fans.

Somehow, you prefer
photos of Harry and friends.
Even Madonna and Lindsey
Can’t escape your mighty lens.

Even those who are Royals
are often a priority too,
but all I would want
is some private time with you.

Inside I am hurt
by your shadowed perceptions;
I too have a camera, a body
and a photogenic presence.

If you taught me your skills
to be as amazing as you,
you would never regret
I could be called paparazzi too.

I would love you forever,
and be your best friend,
I would even take photos of you
and put on the web.

Please respond this this letter,
before the end of the month,
as my camera guarantee
is due to fall short.

I don’t know if I should keep it
or just return it to the shops,
all I want is a great camera
and learn paparazzi shots.

With love”

So, just finish off this blog entry I felt that it would be great to reflect on a cool photo that I took the other day in Liverpool. Funnily enough some people seem to think this is a naked Tardis (you know, Dr Who’s time-travel-vehicle) but unless I am colour and shape blind, this seems to me like a live-sculpture of an elevator crawling out of the ground. Very well made, and better in real life, because they made it as if the door is jammed too, trying to open, and there is an eerie noise coming from it as if someone was stuck inside “this accident”.

Well if it is a naked Tardis, then I fulfilled my Paparazzi dream, and I am just hoping that Dr Who comes from inside wearing his briefs. Just becuase life also happens inside the Tardis!

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